The Art of Reading Between the Lines
by Jamie Lisa
(MSc in Neuroscience and Psychology of Mental Health, King’s College London)
Published on 16 July, 2026.
Earlier, I explored emotional literacy as the foundational skill for understanding emotions in both yourself and others. It is the prerequisite to emotional and social intelligence—you must first know what you feel (literacy) before you can begin to shape or manage it (intelligence). It’s the art of holding your ground without competing, and those who develop it navigate relationships with greater ease.
In this article, I want to take that a step further by sharing a few principles that have shaped the way I approach people, respond to situations, and show up in the spaces between what they say and what they mean.
How to Read What People Don’t Say
When I was young, I was reserved, the person who nodded politely and said little. “Be a good listener”, I used to think that meant staying quiet while others spoke. But silence is not the same as listening.
At the time, much of my quietness came from carrying my own unarticulated pain and often just passivity. Real listening and being a good listener, however, requires something far more deliberate. It is doing the inner work first, being grounded, offering real presence, curiosity, and the discipline to engage with tact what someone is truly saying, and not what they just appear to be saying. People talk about things for a reason, and listening closely is a way to learn more about them.
It is to listen to what they aren’t saying, to pay attention to the gaps. It’s noticing that someone laughs a little too quickly when a topic gets charged or delicate. That they change the subject right before something real surfaces. It’s hearing the hesitation before an answer, or when someone brings up a story for the third time. The pauses, the deflections, the things they circle around without ever quite landing on often carries just as much weight.
Learning to listen to that layer is simply caring enough to pay close attention. There are always cues to look for, most of us just don’t know where to find them. Once you know what to look for, you begin to see that emotional literacy can be decoded, one small signal at a time.
Decode the Conversation: Find the Cue and Meaning (An Example Table)
Cues | Possible Emotional Meaning |
People who talk about work/weather/small talk | = they are looking for a way to start a conversation with you |
People who talk about hobbies/activities/pets | = trying to discover what you have in common |
People who share relationship problems | = want to feel validated and understood. |
People who frequently complain about unhappiness in their lives | = want someone to see and validate them (in extreme cases, they see themselves as a perpetual victim) |
People who repeat the same story multiple times | = that story is significant to them or they have not been met emotionally yet |
People who talk a lot about their achievements | = want recognition and reassurance that their efforts matter. |
People who repeatedly joke about themselves | = masking insecurity and testing whether you will affirm them, or a social strategy to make themselves less intimidating |
People who gossip about others | = testing whether you are safe to share information with and whether you will join their social alliance. Could also signal boredom or entertainment or a social habit they’ve not examined |
People who constantly qualify or hedge what they say (I might be wrong, but… or this is probably a stupid idea…) | = often signals low confidence or a fear of being judged, or a learnt strategy to pre-empt criticism before others can deliver it. |
People who give advice when you haven’t asked for it | = might be uncomfortable with emotional ambiguity and default to problem-solving as a way to feel helpful, competent or needed. |
People who bring every topic back to themselves (different from talking about achievements) | = not able to hold space for someone else’s experience. Can signal anxiety, loneliness, or an underdeveloped listening habit. |