Why Young Adults in Singapore Struggle With Self-Doubt (Even When They Look Successful)

You look at your calendar — excited about the class gathering that’s coming up. You are curious about where everyone has ended up. You genuinely look forward to catching up with your classmates, some of them you completely lost touch with.

When you arrive, you see familiar faces and fall easily into conversations. The first few exchanges feel uplifting; you are happy to meet everyone. And then, as the afternoon unfolds, you notice a sinking feeling in your chest.

You get to learn about the one classmate who has already been promoted and another shares vivid details about a work trip to the States. Then there is Laurie, who eyes her next role in a company that didn’t even reply to your application. As the evening comes to an end, you plaster a smile on your face, pretending to be really happy for everyone, but within you feel defeated. Everyone is moving forward, and you’re not.

When Did Self-Doubt Become the Story You Tell Yourself?

During the gathering, you compared yourself to the others and concluded that they had received a memo you had missed.

You did not compare facts. Instead, you took your internal experience of uncertainty and difficult setbacks and matched it against the polished highlights of everyone else’s journey. If someone mentioned setbacks, self-doubt, or moments of uncertainty, you missed it. So it was easy to conclude that you were missing the essential qualities needed to catch up.

Psychologist Pauline Clance first coined the term “imposter syndrome” in the late 1970s. At its core, it’s the quiet accumulation of apparent evidence that everyone knows who they are and where they are heading and you don’t. You are left with the not knowing, still figuring things out, wondering whether you simply do not have what it takes.

The Comparison Trap

These days, it’s easy to fall into the trap of believing that everyone else seems to be handling life better than you are.

It’s enforced by an unspoken societal timeline to have your degree in your pocket by this age and a mid-level job by that age. Not to forget the promotions. No one officially set these rules, but they seem to be ingrained while growing up.

When you fall behind that invisible schedule, it’s no longer about taking a bit longer than others. Now it feels like it’s about you as a person, and that hits home harder; it touches the core of your understanding of who you are.

That’s when part of you resorts to beating yourself up because it can’t bear the pain of being flawed. The inner critic finds more and more reasons to prove that. The sad thing is, the more you give in to that comparison, the worse it’s getting. Every time you check LinkedIn, or Insta, or hear secondhand news about a peer, it compounds.

You can’t win when you compare your sense of self to others’ career milestones. The question becomes “Who am I if I am not achieving this?”

And the irony here is that most likely everyone you compare yourself with is going through a similar process. They just don’t talk about it either.

Why Comparing Yourself to Others Is a Losing Game

Imagine putting a racehorse in a field to plough — it won’t bring the results you are hoping for. Equally, if you put a plough horse on a racetrack, it doesn’t take much imagination to envision that it has no chance to win the race. They don’t fail because one is inferior to the other. They won’t succeed because they are bred for different purposes. You wouldn’t think twice about comparing the two.

Why then compare your journey to someone else’s? You are not on the same track. You may not even have registered for the same race.

Even if you did, most people will eventually hit an obstacle, a wall. Learning happens through challenges, not smooth sailing. And so you might see someone who had a great start question everything a year down the road.

The most helpful thing you can do at any point is to sit with whatever feeling comes up rather than fight it or push it away. Once you see that the critical part wants to protect you, albeit in an unhelpful way, you can approach it with curiosity and empathy.

With empathy, it also becomes easier to acknowledge and appreciate your unique path and your pace. You feel less need to compare your journey to your peers’. Instead, you value the things you learned from taking longer, taking a detour.

What Actually Helps

Notice when you get into that spiral of comparing and beating yourself up.

Then act counterintuitive – notice the feeling, don’t try to fix it, make it go away, and instead name it. Say something like “I notice something in me is doubting myself.” Then see if you can acknowledge that part. Remember it has a reason to do so, even if that reason isn’t obvious at this stage.

Talk to someone who can remind you of who you actually are, not who you measure up to be.

When you are in a low moment, resist the urge to check LinkedIn or social media. The last thing you need then is food for your inner critic.

I can’t say that enough – there is no universal schedule for life. Remember the example of the two different horses; you came with your unique set of skills, qualities, capabilities – and purpose. Live that.

And if the self-doubt is getting too loud, reach out to someone who can hold space for it. OTR Listens is free, confidential, and there for exactly this kind of moment. You don’t need to be in crisis to reach out to Avie.

Expert Insight

“One of the most counterintuitive things I’ve learned — both personally and in my work with clients — is that the fastest way through a difficult feeling is not to fix it or push it away, but to sit with it. When we feel behind, or less than, or like everyone else has figured something out we haven’t, there’s usually a part of us working very hard to protect us. It deserves to be acknowledged, not silenced. In my experience, that moment of acknowledgement — just naming what’s there — is often where something begins to shift.”

— Antoinette Biehlmeier, Inner Relationship Focusing Trainer, Coach and Wellbeing Facilitator | OTR Listens

Key Takeaways

• Comparing yourself to others is natural — but you’re comparing your inner experience to their outer appearance. It was never a fair comparison.
• The invisible timeline society sets for degrees, jobs and promotions was never official and was never meant for you specifically.
• Self-doubt that comes from comparison isn’t a verdict on who you are. It’s a signal worth sitting with, not fighting.
• Your journey is uniquely yours — the detours, the different path, the slower pace all have value that a LinkedIn profile can’t capture.

Frequently Asked Questions

Why do I feel like everyone else has it together except me?

Because you’re seeing their highlights and feeling your full story. Everyone around you is carrying uncertainty, setbacks and self-doubt — they’re just not sharing it publicly. What you’re experiencing is common, even if it feels very lonely.

Is it normal to feel behind your peers in your twenties?

Completely. The pressure to reach certain milestones by a certain age is real but arbitrary. There is no universal schedule for life. The people who appear to be ahead are often dealing with their own version of feeling behind in ways you can’t see.

How do I stop comparing myself to others on social media?

Notice your habit of comparing yourself and how it makes you feel. When you notice that being on LinkedIn or Instagram worsens your mood, treat yourself with kindness. Avoid social media during low moments. Instead, focus on what you’re building.

When should I seek support for self-doubt and social comparison?

When it’s persistent, when it’s affecting how you show up day to day, or when it’s louder than you can manage alone. You don’t need to be in crisis to reach out. OTR Listens offers free, confidential text-based support for young people in Singapore — Avie is there for exactly this kind of moment.

About OTR Listens

OTR Listens (Over The Rainbow) is a Singapore-based youth mental health organisation running Avie, a free, confidential, text-based chat service for young people. Whether you’re in a crisis or just carrying something you haven’t been able to say out loud yet, Avie is a space where you can talk at your own pace, without judgement.

OTR also runs OTR Academy, which provides wellbeing education and training for young people and the communities around them.

Our work is grounded in the belief that every young person deserves to be heard and that being heard is often where things begin to change.

You Are Not Behind. You Are on Your Own Track

If any part of this article resonated with you, we’d like you to know that support is available.

Avie, OTR’s text-based chat service, is free, confidential, and available to young people in Singapore. You don’t need to be in crisis to reach out.

Chat with Avie — OTR Listens Learn more about OTR